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It’s true. I love Nigerian bank spam. It harkens back to a simpler time, when spammers put care and attention into their emails. Back then, you would hardly ever see a tawdry misspelled penis pill spam or one of those overwrought image-only foreclosure spams. Nigerian Bank spam writers would build exquisite bundles of lies that could sweep you up in a fit of excited hopefulness much like that thrilling, hopeful moment as you take your first swipe across a scratch-off lottery ticket. For a few elongated seconds, untold riches are within your grasp, riches that will wipe away all of the problems in your life, replacing it with that life you ought to have, that life you’ve been waiting for. Happiness hangs low on a branch for your outstretched hand to pluck and savor.

Today, I received such a letter. I present it to you without further comment

From: bello_kaffa01@yahoo.com.ar
Subject: NEXT OF KIN__REPLY ASAP

Dear friend,

I am Barrister Bello kaffa of B.A Chambers & Associate. I am the financial lawyer to the late Mr Steve Bonds and he was an oil merchant with estment in the leading oil in Africa. He invested in lifting oil from Niger delta in Nigeria to other countries where he sales it. He was the highest shareholder in Shell petroleum Bp in 1994. Mr Steve Bonds met his untimely death via plane crash in the 2002. I was contacted as his lawyer by the Board of Directors ofShell Bp to look for the relative of late Mr Steve Bonds to enable themtransfer the accumulated share dividend of his investment with the Diamond Bank of Nigeria Limited. It is about two years now.

I made some research about the relatives of Mr Steve Bonds and discorvered through some DNA reports that some other two passengers in the same plane happend to be his wife and only daughter Mr Steve Bonds who also died along with him in the crash.
I am contacting you so that both of us can reach an agreement to enable you act as his next of kin and claim the fund.Of course they will believe me because I am his financial lawyer untill his death and I have all his business documents with me.I would have use someone from here for the purppose but the fact that late Mr Steve Bonds is a white man made it impossible for me to present a black man as his next of kin which of course, the bank will not honour.

All the document will be validated in your name and shall be drafted by me to include your name in an application which be forwarded to the bank for the claims.The money is just USD31.5Million dollars. I will personally monitor the progress of the transaction as your lawyer.After we succeed in transfering the money into your account, we will give some portion of the money to charity home in your country and then share the remaining in the ratio 70% to 30% between you and I.If you are willing to work with me in this regard, please, forward to me through this email address:

1) Your full name and contact address
2) Your phone and fax number ( cell phone) Thanks and God bless you.

Barr. Bello kaffa , Esq.
B.A Chambers & Associate.